Decided to finally get this done over the weekend...

I weighed myself today. I've lost 20 pounds in two months (basically since I got my drums). I've been working on my diet and upping my level of exercise. By golly, they were right - you really DO lose weight that way. The basics? A 50% reduction in daily calories, the almost complete removal of soda (I am a man who likes his rum and coke) and a lot of water. Daily consumption is somewhere around 10 liters. I've been pleased to see a common sense approach to weight loss does indeed work. I'm down a couple pant sizes and as I explained to Lucas... "my dunlap don't lap no mo".

It's not news. Holly has told most of the mutual folks that we know, and the odds of somebody not knowing by now are pretty low - but yeah... Holly and I are getting a divorce.

It's a painful, sad and miserable experience. I sat on the couch today and talked with my daughter. I know the words mean very little to her right now, but I am her father. More than anybody, she deserves to hear me explain the reasons and assure her that her future is bright and full of two parents that love her above everything else - even life itself.

I hold no regrets for what has been more than four years of great memories and emotions. I know when Holly and I got married there were many folks who said we would not last. I wish I could say I definitively proved them wrong, but I obviously didn't. My only sadness in all of it is the feeling that the same things that brought us together so closely were ultimately what also changed me into the person I am today... and that is no longer the man that Holly got married to.

I think I understand her feelings. Honestly, I'm not sure most days because she and I have been growing slowly apart for awhile now, it just took a few things snapping for us to both realize it. I want my wife to be happy. I want to be happy. More than anything, I want my daughter to be happy. None of that is going to happen if we stay together. I've always preached about being mature, progressive and willing to make the hard choices in life. If any of you ever thought I didn't mean it... well here we are.

2009 is going to suck in a lot of ways. I thought that with my departure from MTAC I was taking the biggest step I needed to in order to get my life back on track. I was wrong. But now my baby girl, my art and a few special relationships hold all of my focus.

I'm always going to miss my Holly though. I wish we had been able to hold on to who we were for just a little bit longer. Life did that thing it does - it changed. And with those changes you have to decide if you're going to be left in the dust, living in the past and telling yourself lies so you can cope OR you move on. You change with it and you find a new balance to life.

Every new world has its own horizon... and mine is waiting for me, as a father and as a musician. It's what life has given me as the building blocks for the next chapter of my life.

I've started with less. I'll end with more.

I'm off to a Death Cab For Cutie concert in B-town, Alabamers tonight. Totally tripped out as it's been almost ten years since the last time I saw them - we'll see where the night takes me!

I think it's an often forgotten fact that the United States holds political prisoners. To be exact, the United States holds over 100 people in custody, the majority of which were aprehended on American soil (as Americans) and are now being held in prison - many for the remainder of their lives - and often times for doing nothing but exercising freedoms guaranteed to them by the efforts of our founding fathers.

Take a look at the list, see if you recognize some names...
http://www.prisonactivist.org/archive/pps+pows/pplist-alpha.shtml

In the 60's the United States government began a series of aprehensions that lasted for several decades based on the perceived/crafted "threat to American peace and tranquility". Groups like the Black Panther Party and Cuban political radicalists were heavily targeted during this time.

The cases surrounding these political prisoners are never simple to understand, but they are easily forgotten in a post 9/11 America. So do your country, AND YOUR OWN RIGHTS AS AMERICANS a favor, and do exactly the opposite. Read. Learn. Educate - and don't forget.

Of all the fucked up things in the world, and in all the fucked up places, why did the Mega Mac have to arrive in Japan? I'll be the first to say I'm a little late on this news. McDonalds revealed this burger 2 years ago, can anybody confirm it's still available?

http://calorielab.com/news/2007/01/16/from-big-mac-to-chici-mac-the-future-of-fast-food/

Now, some of you know about my humorous attempts at Dragon*Con's in years past to see how big of a burger I can get. First off - when *I* do something that should tell you it's probably a bad idea. Second of all, I'm a little pissed that McDonalds beat Burger King to this. It would have been a lot easier to work Burger King up to the octadeca patty (80 patties) if they already had this thing on the menu.

That being said, this burger is over 750 calories. That's roughly a third of the calories that somebody my size and with my level of activity "needs" in a single day. Trying to lose weight, I've cut my calorie intake in half and boosted my activity level. Now also take into considerat that a medium order of french fries from McDonalds is an extra 450 calories. Medium drink? Another 210 (300+ if you get a large). So in summary, you can go to McDonalds and *easilY* acquire 1,500 calories all by ordering a number.

I think the diagram they included in the article does a great job of illustrating the future...

I'm not going to say much on the topic of this past weekend. If somebody wants to know the details of exactly what happened and why I decided to walk, and you're one of the people that deserve to know the details, then that's fine. You can email me at my personal address, or give me a call. If you really care enough to want an explanation, you can seek it out.

As far as a public statement goes - I was stupid for thinking a bad year would get better in a high stress environment. Instead, it got worse, a lot worse - and I wasn't, and could not, keep sitting around being the receptacle of everybody's issues. Most people do not know what's been going on with me for half a year, and I don't expect special treatment for it (especially when I have chosen to keep it to myself for the most part). I know there were a lot of casualties of what happened, and I'm sorry for that.

Here's to moving on.

It's Wednesday and it already feels like Friday. You MTAC'ers know what I'm talking about.

I took advantage of my boss' newfound interest in social media sites to get the IT department to remove me from behind the firewall. So yay, unrestricted net access. What in the world *I* ever do with such a thing?

I'm trying some new things out. Again, I'm sure that gets a few eye rolls. I bought a set of drums. They are gorgeous. I took 3 months of shopping around and researching before I settled on a kit that was perfect for me. Quality, price and style - all rolled up in to one package. So far the jam sessions have been amazing, and the studio is starting to achieve the vision I have had for it since I moved in.

MTAC is over in 12'ish days. It's amazing to me that this year has gone by as fast as it had. I sort of wish it had gone by slower... but at the same time I'm glad it's over. Soon the time will be upon me to go off and nurse my wounds and get life re-established. I need Summer. I need the heat to melt away some memories and open me up to some fresh air. I can't wait.

Hey it's 4:20... ha!

Thank god for medication.

My head hurts.

I got home from day 2 of working at the new house. We're renting, but I told Holly I feel like I'm engaged in full blow home reno. Truth be, I have not done anything beyond what any renter does. Paint. But it feels like it's a never ending list of steps to take in the painting process. Painting the basement meant first clearing out all of the land lords junk. Then it meant power washing. That also entailed pushing all the remaining water out, waiting for it to dry, and then laying down the first of two coats of floor paint. Start to finish, the whole process took 4 hours and even though it makes a world of difference to have a clean, painted basement... it doesn't *look* like a lot.

Today consisted of putting the 2nd coat of paint down, helping Tommy move, and then sanding down the walls and trim in the bathroom to get it prepped for paint tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be felling an old tree in the front yard, digging out a broken down embankment + wall, painting the remaining walls in the bathroom and painting the kitchen cabinets. Yeah... big day to say the least but we'll be able to move in after just a few more projects beyond that. I'd say after next weekend, if all goes well.

Woot! Holly and I got the house we wanted! We're stoked... I get the keys next weekend. Mayhaps a 4th of July cookout? Not certain yet. Lots to do!

I'll even pull the trigger. No blood on your hands. Just get me my gun. Load it. And leave the room. The gun and clips are in the upper right drawer of my desk.

I'll try not to make a mess.

Seriously, I'm so fucking sick of being sick. Even the doctors don't know what's wrong with me! So they shot me in the ass with a steroid and put me on antibiotics. Now I'm just laying here on the couch for the like, 3rd day. I'm so tired...

It's been over ten years since I left Texas. Before that, it had been two years since I had been to the beach and seen the ocean. Today I corrected that and was reminded of just how vast the planet we live on is. I got to watch the sun rise over the ocean and shine its warming rays down upon us and for the first time in a long time I felt some stress leave my shoulders. There's something fundamentally comforting and embracing about standing on the sand and feeling the waves roll up around your ankles and fall back into the sea.

I've missed the ocean and I intend to enjoy it as much as I can while here in Jacksonville. My only wish is that my darling wife was here with me.

MTAC pre-registration now available.

Don't tell anybody.

Be vewy vewy quwiet.

Dr. Who fans, and the British for that matter, are crazy!

I found out Friday that the next big chapter of my life is going to begin some time in February. I'm going to be a dad, and the happiness I am enjoying right now is the greatest feeling of my life. I've always enjoyed taking a multi-year perspective on my life. But, until Friday I didn't really have any major plans beyond the age of 30. I now find myself pondering the future in terms of decades instead of years.

I'm so happy... so thankful. There are no words that can truly describe all that I am feeling.

So, apparently the one good thing about moving my desk is that I now can hop onto one of the other company's open wireless network. It's still defaulted to Linksys on the SSID... I'm really tempted to fuck with it just to drive the point home of how stupid that is, but having the free - unfiltered interent, is more important.

So for the first time in like 6 months I am posting to LJ from work.

It's been a hell-day so far. I'm sad to see more days at my job being like this. I understand more and more the frustrations I've seen good friends experience over the years in relation to their jobs. I refuse to let this be what my life is about - though I am willing to do my time till next year when Tommy and I can act upon our secret plans.

In any case, there's just under 5 hours left in this week and then I can go home. I have a bottle of gin I have been saving, some website stuff I'm actually looking forward to doing (as compared to what I do all day at my job), and I think I'm going to settle in to watch one of the Star Wars movies till Holly gets home.

I need a break. I need like, a week off. A week to catch up on sleep to fix myself physically, out of contact with work to repair the structure of my work ethic, and most importantly, time curled up with Holly doing what we do best - being together.

Paducha is... well.. Paducha.

More details to come later.